Although we were never incredibly close as I was growing up Charlie Brown hug Snoopy and Woodstock signature shirt, I always saw my father as someone I could depend on when I needed help and looked up to him as an example of leadership, hard work, and perseverance. He has been a pillar in his extended family and in his broader community of fellow expatriates (he immigrated to the U.S. in his early 20s), and I have always hoped to emulate him in this way. Learning of my father’s infidelity was one of the most devastating experiences of my childhood and still affects me today. After years of introspection, I’m certain it was one of the major catalysts for the onset of the several bouts of depression and anxiety I’ve dealt with since my mid-teens into my college years. Knowing about his infidelity has made me question a lot of things that happened throughout my childhood. Where did he really go when he was taking business trips? Why didn’t he spend more quality time with our family (He had the resources to at least take us on a modest family trip once a year, but this rarely happened)? Too many questions. He used his workaholic personality as a mask to cover up the fact that he had another life on the side. I still harbor a lot of resentment towards my father, especially knowing how irresponsibly he’s dealt with his resources. Even after openly discussing my feelings about this with my father, he has never really apologized for anything he has done and how it has affected me and my sister let alone my mom.
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